"So, what, he gets a medal for correctly identifying a feeling?"
What's an apology worth? When does "I'm sorry, and I learned something" give way to "I know better but I fucked things up anyway"? It depends on the recipient's particular flavor of co-dependency, their propensity to think, "This will be the last time; it will all change with me." Sometimes it's about a person's sense of self-worth: "I deserve [this or that type of treatment] because I'm [damaged in this or that way]." For me, often, it's about balance: "Everything has been good for awhile. I'm strong. I can handle this right now."

Mostly, though, I think it's about my propensity to behave the same way. To sympathize. To relate. I do, on some level, forgive behavior that I can see myself repeating in a reasonably short timeline (or have already manifested not long ago). And I can't be dishonest about who I am. Well, maybe I can to you, but not to myself. Not any more than I can wear a navy-blue suit and feel at home. But that doesn't mean I don't still behave in ways that I know are beyond me, beneath me. Ways that I know, at "my age," are bad/wrong/inappropriate/immature/whatever.

So, as messed up as it is, aren't I forgiving you in order to forgive myself? Isn't it all just a ruse to excuse myself for behavior that the better part of me can't abide? And what does that say about me, that I let both of us treat me this way?